Highlanders.... *shakes head*

(also published on Pink Rugby)

When it was announced that the Highlanders had the services of Tony Woodcock, Ma'a Nonu and

I too would be bowing my head in shame

Brad Thorn for the 2013 Super Rugby season, it seemed the Highlanders would have a very competitive team. Between them, the three new signings have 231 All Blacks caps, and 305 Super Rugby caps – when added to the likes of Andrew Hore, it seemed the Highlanders would have a very magical team for 2013. Definitely the team to watch!

Some very impressive pairings automatically came to mind – Hore and Woodcock in the front row, Thorn and Jarrad Hoeata together in the locking department, then in the backs Aaron Smith feeding the ball to Ma'a Nonu, Tamati Ellison, Hosea Gear and Ben Smith. Ten players with All Black & Maori All Blacks experience, it seemed like a no brainer. As an ex-Highlanders supporter I must admit that I

Elliot Dixon
... tats AND the man can play!

perience to the team. While I'm sure their knowledge and experience has been beneficial to the other players on the team, it seems that the Highlanders have become almost a 'retirement home' for players. Rather than playing with the energy and vitality of younger players, all these new, experienced signings seem to be making little impact at all on the team, almost as if they'd be happier sitting down to a game of BINGO or crib, while sipping on a sherry.

When you look at numbers (as I regularly do, having a fetish for rugby statistics), on paper the Highlanders have the oldest average age, at 25.7 years, followed by the Hurricanes on 25.1, the Chiefs on 24.8, the Blues on 24.0 and the Crusaders on 23.7. When analysed even further – focusing solely on forward packs, the Highlanders again have the oldest age average, at 27.9 years, with the four other teams averaging between 25.1 and 25.9 years. These averages make it clear that while age can often mean experience – it doesn't always translate into success.

As we enter round nine, it seems that the Highlanders coaches are shaking things up to try and get

One can watch the Highlanders lose....
and perve at Phil Burleigh....

that elusive first win of the season – All Blacks Aaron Smith and Colin Slade have been dropped, in favour of some lesser-known names. I personally think this is a good thing – because it HAS been all the 'lesser' knowns from the team, who are performing well this year. The likes of Elliot Dixon, Phil Burleigh (who also has the added benefit of being some major eye candy!) and Kade Poki have been playing exceptionally well. I think it's time for the coaches to stop waiting for the bigger names (namely any player who has worn the black jersey in the last 24 months) to finally step up, and for them to instead give the lesser-knowns a chance to prove their worth.

Jarrad Hoeata.
Just cos he's hot.
Unlike the Highlanders.

While I'm at it, perhaps the Highlanders lack of success is all down to the 'Nonu Curse'. Think about it it. 2011 – Hurricanes play badly. With Nonu. 2012 – Blues play badly. With Nonu. 2013 – Highlanders are playing badly. With Nonu. Yes, perhaps it's unfair to suggest, but I guarantee you it is a thought that every Kiwi rugby fan has had over the past couple of weeks. I would go as far as to say that the 'Landers will secure their first win without Nonu on the field.

OF COURSE it's not all bad. If the Super XV was a sexy-man competition, the Highlanders would be sitting in the top four, especially when Tamati Ellison comes back from injury in the next couple of weeks.

Movember Mo-Men (week 1)

Movember is well underway, infact (thank god) it is almost over.  On my facebook I've been posting a daily 'Mo-Man of Movember', and decided I might as well post the daily Mo-Man on this here blog, as well.  Without further ado, I bring you the Mo-Men of week one!

Movember 1st - Ryan Crotty
the mo affectionately known as  the 'Crotty-Mo'

Movember 2nd - Zac Guildford
aka the 'El Zaco', due to the fact that before it grew in,
he looked like a Mexican.

Movember 3rd - Israel Dagg
the MOnstosity not affectionately known as the IzzyMo

Movember 4th - Richie McCaw
the McAwful

Movember 5th - Andy Ellis
quite simply, EPIC MO!

Movember 6th - Owen Franks
keeping with the Crusaders mo-theme

Movember 7th - Hosea Gear
the one I unintentionally called the Ho-Mo...
before realising what I had just said...

Bring Back Zac! & Quade (??!)

Don't worry Zac - I'm sad that you aren't
in the All Blacks squad as well...

Gone are the calls of 'Bring back Buck' - and here are the calls of 'Bring back Zac!'... because quite frankly, Hosea Gear is craptastic at what he does in the #11 jersey.  I can't count how many times he dropped the ball on Saturday night, how many times he was in the wrong place at the right time, how many wrong angles he ran, or the fact that he missed a try that he would have got had he been more awesome.  Y'know.  More like Zac.  Had Hosea actually been Zac on that night, he would have sidestepped and ran more infield, rather than allowing himself to be splattered by a Wallaby defender.

Bring.  Back.  Zac.

NOW.

SUTFM
- Squashed Up Toad Face Man

The inaugural Rugby Championship is underway - the All Blacks (as one would expect) beat the Wallabies on Saturday night.  It wasn't exactly an exciting game, there weren't exactly thousands of points scored - but you could see that although the All Blacks weren't playing at their peak, they were still miles ahead of the Wallabies as far as class, talent and ability goes.  It was almost embarrassing seeing how badly some of the Wallabies played - naturally one thinks of Kurtley Beale.. that squashed up toad face of a man had a horrendous game, and I would like to think that the Australian coaches will acknowledge that and kick his ass out of the team for this weekends match in Auckland.  He was the reason the All Blacks scored their two tries - and generally ran circles around their so called 'tough' opponents.

Squashed up toad face's shockingly poor effort obviously leads us to expect that New Zealand's favourite son will be called into the team.  That's right.  Quade Cooper.  We all know that the Kiwi crowds LOVE him... OH WAIT, that's right - they actually hate him.  I still remember very clearly all the booing throughout the All Blacks v Wallabies semi final match at the RWC last year...  Quade had a shocking performance that night - and literally from the kick off, where he kicked the ball out on the full.  It really set the tone for the evening.  Australia sucking.  Crowd hating on Quade.  All Blacks kicking some major ass.  One of my fondest moments of that game - and quite possibly every New Zealander's favourite part of that game was the infamous QUADE SMASH........

Lets...

See...

That...

AGAIN!!!!!

Best.  Game.  Ever.

Try celebrations, AB's style!

Izzy is very proud of his buddy, CJ!

Back on the subject of this past weekends game though... While most players had a pretty average game, Izzy Dagg had a great game and ran in his 9th try as an All Black (in, I believe, 15 tests)... He also made the quick, snappy, brilliant pass that allowed CJ to slot in for a 'very CJ' try.  Izzy was an obvious choice for man of the match - and he certainly deserved the honour...  In an article (one of many) about the game, he said "I just had to back myself. It's something I haven't been doing much [lately]."  He might not be backing himself, but I can guarantee that the whole of New Zealand is backing him - I have a feeling it's going to be an awesome series for Mr Dagg... he was certainly at his explosive best on Saturday, and surely that'll only get better the longer they're in camp & the more games they play!

As is always a nice thing to do, lets go out on a happy man lovey note

Yes Dan, we too are proud of Izzy!

Them Rugga Boys & Their Ink... and Proof the World Isn't Perfect.

The All Blacks are awesome - purely because they ARE the All Blacks, who by nature are the kings of the world... but a lot of them also have tattoos - which is just another way in which they are awesome and really should rule the world.

Except Sonny Bill.
He can rule Australia.
Piss off, SBW.

I now present, 'Them Rugga Boys & Their Ink'...

Victor Vito

Piri Weepu

Liam Messam

Jerome Kaino

Hosea Gear

Aaron Smith

Ma'a Nonu - who also has an impressive
tat on his back, but I couldn't find a good
enough photo of it!!!!!

Keven Mealamu

Keven Mealamu and Owen Franks in the background

Israel Dagg

And naturally... my favourite tattoo clad arms.... belonging to one Zachary Guildford...

Left arm...

Right arm...

And now in a little more detail... courtesy of whoever it was who posted these photos on another blog...

In a perfect world, there would also be a photo of CJ showing off his tattoos... but the man has none......

Proof the world is NOT perfect.